Shiver
by lovesickswallow
Summary: Even with three PhDs, he had a hard time explaining the way her hands on his skin made him feel. He'd read a lot of books on the topic of love, but nothing could have prepared him for what came next. Of all the places he could've met a girl, it had to be at a mental hospital. "No, no, no... You're not saying it right. Only she says it right."
1. 1

**This story begins during Season 1, Episode 22.**

Breathe in. Fingers jutted nervously against the cover of the book he gripped tightly. One. Two. He swallowed with some difficulty, noting the dryness of his mouth. Three. Four. Five. Breathe out. One hand releasing its tight grip on his book, he reached up to push his hair back behind his ear. His hair was always in his way lately. Perhaps he should cut it, he thought. Mouth opened, tongue slightly jutting out to wet his lips.

"I heard a rumour you were here, Doctor Reid." He jumped at the sound of his name, wished he had just another moment to collect himself. He looked to see the young carer stood beside him, a warm smile on her face. Reid gulped.

"How's she doing?" He asked after a moment, his eyes moving away from the nurse and back towards his mother. He could hear the woman beside him explaining the details of his mother's current state but Reid wasn't listening. He knew it would be the same thing he always heard and he was tired of being told Schizophrenia was a 'lifetime illness'. He knew that. _Of course_ he knew that.

"She'll be so excited you were finally able to get here, in person." Reid looked back towards the nurse and his mouth scrunched up, deliberating over his next move.

"Actually, I think I'll just let her rest today." Reid saw the woman's eyebrows rise for a moment before a look of disappointment washed over her.

"Rest?" She asked, her voice saddened. Reid gulped down his guilt and nodded quickly, mentally cursing as a strand of hair fell loose again from the movement.

"Yeah, I-I'll come back tomorrow." He rushed out as an explanation before he turned and began his retreat.

All he could see was his mother's drooped face, her eyebrows forever pushed together in a frown. He knew that he was the cause of most of her wrinkles and the guilt was drowning him. He had to leave, had to be anywhere but the place that made his mother so god damn miserable. He was too busy muttering to himself to notice the girl standing in front of him, of whom he ran into moments later.

Reid looked up in alarm at the sudden contact, his arms automatically reaching out to grab the woman's shoulders and steady her. He pretended not to notice when she flinched at the contact. The girl looked up at him with wide eyes, her mouth parted ever so slightly and her eyebrows furrowed in the subtlest of ways. Reid wasn't sure what it was exactly, but _something_ in her eyes made it hard for him to look away.

And so, they stood frozen like that. She could feel her skin burning under where his hands were touching her and her chest was heaving as panic bubbled inside her. Reid could feel his chest erupting too, but with a different sensation. It was a sensation that he did not recognise and could not even begin to understand. Then, the girl blinked and the trance Reid had been under dissolved. He quickly pulled his hands back firmly to his sides and swallowed hard, his own eyes blinking in quick succession.

"I-I'm sorry." Reid forced the words out and her eyebrows furrowed further when she heard them, a prominent crease forming between her brows. She raised her hand and gripped to her shoulder, the same place his hand had been, her fingers pressing harshly into the skin.

She was still staring at him and he could feel himself sweating. Why was she staring at him? He swallowed again and realised the dry feeling had returned to his mouth. He licked his lips to help moisten them and noticed that as he did so, her gaze dropped to his mouth. He could feel his fingers tapping against the sides of his legs nervously and for once in his life, Reid couldn't think of anything to say. He felt the urge to keep walking, to walk past this girl and never look back. But his feet were locked into place and he couldn't for the life of him figure out what was keeping him there.

"Doctor Reid?" He heard the familiar voice from the nurse earlier but still, he couldn't bring himself to avert his gaze from the strange girl in front of him. He felt the nurse's presence beside him, heard her sigh.

"Dakota, you've been told about bothering visitors." The girl's eyes abruptly snapped to stare at the nurse, her gaze hardening into something Reid had to admit slightly scared him. It was hostile and extremely visceral and Reid wouldn't have been surprised if she had bared her teeth and growled.

"I'm not _bothering_ anyone." Reid jumped slightly at the sound of her voice. It was timid and very soft, as though she was trying her best to stay out of everybody's way. The girl, Dakota, then looked back at Reid and he raised his eyebrows slightly, tensing under her gaze once again. "Am I? _Doctor Reid_."

Reid gulped when she spoke his name and before he had thought about it he was nodding his head, agreeing to whatever she had said. What had she said? He couldn't remember, could only remember the way she had said his name, _Doctor,_ didn't dare imagine the way his first name would sound rolling off her tongue. He felt something surge through him, something _filthy_ , and he clenched his hands into fists at the feeling.

"E-excuse me." He stumbled out, stepping around the small girl and walking as fast as he could out of the building. What was that feeling? What were those _thoughts_ that had flooded his mind? His name on her lips had him excited in ways he didn't understand, didn't want to think about. He took a deep breath the moment he stepped out through the entryway and into fresh air. He needed to calm down his frazzled mind, regain a semblance of his composure.

Of course he'd experienced sexual desire before, but he'd never felt such a strong reaction to the way a woman had _spoken_ to him. Even he, as sexually inexperienced as he might have been, needed more stimulation than that to get off. Or so he had thought. Reid pushed the train of thought from his mind completely, couldn't linger on the memory although he knew he would never forget it. That damn brain of his, Reid thought.

It wasn't until he was half way back to his hotel that Reid realised the book he was still holding. It was wrapped in brown paper, a last minute gift that he had intended to give to his mother. Reid cursed himself for forgetting about it, too concerned in his haste to get away that he hadn't given it to the nurse before he left.

Chewing absentmindedly on his bottom lip he glanced out the window of the cab he was in, noting that the sun was beginning to set. He knew visiting hours would be over by the time he returned and he was better off waiting until the following day, but something inside of him couldn't stop thinking about that _girl._ He wanted to see her again. She was an enigma in his brain and Reid _never_ left a puzzle unsolved.

"Excuse me, sorry," Reid leant forward, earning the cab drivers attention. "Could you please turn around? I forgot something."

* * *

Shaking fingers lifted the cigarette to her lips and she inhaled deeply, a sense of calm washing over her almost immediately. She loosened her grip on the material of her skirt, looking down at the crinkled fabric and smoothing her hand over it. She let her eyes flutter closed as she exhaled and a flash of messy, blonde hair surged through her mind.

"It's almost 6pm. You need to come back inside, Dakota." Her eyes snapped open again and she looked behind her, towards the front of the Sanatorium, where a nurse was looking at her exasperatedly. Dakota raised the cigarette in the form of an explanation and the woman let out a sigh before her shoulders dropped in defeat. "5 minutes."

Dakota turned back towards the long driveway leading out to the road and took another puff, her focus drifting to the image of a taxi approaching the building. She watched curiously as it pulled up almost directly in front of her and, after an extended pause, the back door opened.

Lanky legs pulled a skinny body from the cab, and Dakota was affronted with the same blonde hair she had been seeing when she closed her eyes. Reid was surprised for a moment to see her standing outside the hospital but his question died the moment his eyes met hers. For a moment he was worried it would be a repeat of earlier, but then she blew a puff of smoke out of pursed lips and he cleared his throat quickly.

"You're back." She stated softly, her eyes trailing down his body slowly before she looked back to his eyes again. Her free hand had clenched up her skirt once again, wrinkles forming where they had previously been smoothed out.

"I forgot something." Reid explained, and Dakota looked down at the book he was holding between fidgeting fingers. "Margery Kempe…" Reid could feel his foot start to tap lightly against the ground and the urge to get back inside the cab and forget this ever happened was starting to sound better and better in his mind. She _intimidated_ him.

And as if the universe had heard his silent plea, the cab driver ducked his head out the window and yelled, "Hey, are you getting back in or what?" Reid turned to look back at the man in the taxi and Dakota glanced momentarily at him before looking back at the book in Reid's hands.

"I love Margery Kempe." She all but whispered, and Reid turned back to her in surprise. The cab driver yelled again and Reid found himself shaking his head before he knew what he was doing. The driver muttered something under his breath before pulling off the curb and beginning his decent back down the long driveway.

Dakota's eyes slowly lifted back up to meet his and they stared at each other for a long moment, each searching the other for some sort of answer. Reid watched as her eyes widened suddenly and her gaze dropped back down towards the book. But she wasn't looking at the book, Reid could see. She was looking at… his watch?

"5 minutes." She said suddenly, before she bit down harshly on her lip and dropped her cigarette to the ground beneath them, quickly stomping it out. She reached towards his hand but then paused, and Reid found himself holding his breath though he wasn't sure why. Dakota looked back up at him unsurely, a silent question in her gaze, of which Reid answered when he lifted his hand just enough for their fingers to brush.

The next moment she was lacing her bony fingers through his and pulling him with her back towards the building. She didn't go through the front entryway, instead leading him to the side of the building towards another door, much less conspicuous. Reid didn't question her actions, deducing that visitor hours were over and she knew that he would be asked to leave once he was seen. Why _wasn't_ he leaving? Reid didn't even know who this girl was. Why was he letting her sneak him into a _mental hospital_?

Reid would admit that he had made some questionable choices during his time working at the BAU but he'd never done something this unexplainable. There was no logic behind his current actions, but he didn't try to stop her when she snuck him inside and past the nurse's office, nor did he argue when she gently opened a door marked 089 and pulled him inside.

Dakota closed the door quietly behind her, letting her fingers untangle from his as she did so. Reid immediately wiped his palm on the side of his pants, only just realising how sweaty it had gotten. When had that happened?

She turned slowly, her back leaning against the closed door, as she carefully surveyed him. Reid felt increasingly uncomfortable in this foreign room, frozen under this stranger's gaze. A moment later she pushed herself off of the door and walked past him, to her bed. She sat down on the side of the mattress and crossed one leg over the other, and Reid tried not to look at her thigh where her skirt had ridden up.

"What kind of doctor are you?" Dakota asked suddenly, and Reid felt extremely thrown off guard by the question.

"Uh, I-I have PhD's in Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering… As well as BA's in Psychology and uh, Sociology…" He listed off his degrees robotically, having had to explain this a countless number of times before. He waited for the surprised raise of eyebrows, or maybe a look of disbelief. Nothing. Her gaze remained blank, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly as she looked at him.

"How smart are you?" She finally asked, and Reid was strangely relieved to be given a question he could easily answer.

"I have an IQ of 187." He watched as she slowly bit down on her lip again, his gaze automatically drawn to it. A moment later she averted her gaze as her fingers began playing with a loose thread on her skirt.

"That must be terribly lonely." Reid blinked at the statement, never having received such a response before. He was used to admiration or disbelief, not understanding. _Never_ understanding.

"It…is. Sometimes." Dakota nodded her head solemnly before she looked back up at him, and Reid could see her lip was slightly redder from where she had sunk her teeth into it.

"So if you're so smart… Why did you follow me in here?" Reid couldn't keep up with her, couldn't get a grasp on her train of thought. He furrowed his eyebrows as he thought for an answer to her question, but came up empty handed. Why _had_ he followed her inside?

"Not everything can be explained that easily." He finally settled on his answer, one side of his mouth scrunching slightly as he shrugged. She didn't respond to that, seemingly content with his explanation, and they stayed in silence for a long moment. Reid shifted his weight slightly and Dakota furrowed her eyebrows, noticing his discomfort.

"Would you… like to sit with me?" She asked hesitantly, and Reid paused a moment before he carefully walked to the side of the bed. He glanced at her for a prolonged moment, noting her fingers fidgeting and her averted gaze. She was clearly uncomfortable with contact, so he made sure to leave a considerable space between them on the mattress when he sat down.

Dakota stayed quiet for another moment before she lifted her feet off the floor and turned her body towards Reid, crossing her legs underneath herself. He continued looking at her from the corner of his eye, unsure what to do. He felt a soft nudge against the side of his leg and finally turned his head to look at her properly. She made a gesture with her hands and he slowly turned to face her as well, copying her cross-legged position on the bed.

Smiling lightly, Dakota relaxed her posture and Reid had to try to ignore the feeling of utter _content_ that was washing over him. He shouldn't have felt this comfortable sitting on a bed inside a mental hospital, with a girl he knew absolutely nothing about. _So why did he?_

"I'm not crazy." She said suddenly, the words seeming rushed as they fell from her lips. Reid looked at her questioningly and she tilted her head slightly, her eyes locking with his. "Much." She shrugged.

Reid gulped, one side of his mouth lifting into a smile for a fraction of a second before he pushed it back down again. He fingered the material of the bed sheet as he profiled her, trying to understand more about this girl.

He could see that her fingers shook lightly when they weren't clenched into fists, though he remembered that they had been steady earlier when she was smoking. He thought that must have been due to some sort of anxiety, and she seemed to rely on nicotine as a means to calm herself. He could also see that the bottom of her hair was cut unevenly where it rested just above her shoulders and he deduced she must have done it herself, perhaps recently. That meant she was impulsive and probably reckless.

He noticed she was biting her lip again and thought that must have been a nervous tendency. The bones of her knees and elbows jutted out at awkward angles and he knew she was definitely underweight. He could also see small cuts littered about her body, some longer than others, some definitively angrier than others.

He could more or less deduce that she had been committed after a suicide attempt of some sort – he thought pills maybe, because she wouldn't have wanted to be a hassle – but Reid did not know why she was still here. Usually, suicidal patients would be committed for a short period of time and then released back into the care of a guardian. Unless… Ah, that was it. She did not have a strong parental figure in her life. That probably explained her hesitance towards human contact – she had been denied it for a long time.

"How long have you been here?" Reid asked her softly and Dakota let out an inaudible sigh, one hand reaching up to scratch at her head.

"One year… four months… eighteen days." She wasn't looking at him anymore, her eyes out of focus. He was quiet for a long moment, deliberating whether or not to ask his next question.

"Why don't you leave?" Her eyes suddenly focused back on him, her eyebrows furrowing together.

"Leave?" She repeated, as if she did not understand the meaning of the word. Reid opened his mouth but then closed it again, trying to make sense of his thoughts before he spoke tactlessly. He had a terrible habit of doing that.

"You're clearly not… _ill_. A simple psych evaluation and you would be released." Reid explained slowly, and Dakota lowered her eyes again. He noted that she was staring at his hands, which were still fidgeting with the bed sheet. She looked back up after a moment, done thinking, and smiled what Reid thought was the saddest smile he had ever seen.

"I have nowhere to go." She shrugged, the smile dropping from her lips. "This is my home." Reid furrowed his brow at her answer, his head shaking slightly.

"No, it's not. This is a mental institution…" He could see that her words were affecting her, though he wasn't sure it was in the way he had hoped. She seemed to be tensing up, invisible walls rising at a rapid speed, closing her off more than she already was. "You don't belong here." Reid said the words quietly, tried to be soothing, leant into her slightly in what he hoped was a comforting way.

She was biting harshly on her lip, releasing it every few seconds just to bite down on it again. Reid could see he had made her panic, and he could see that it was getting worse as each moment passed. He racked his brain for what to do as he watched her fingernails dig harshly into the palms of her hands as she clenched her fists. A self-destructive habit, Reid noted.

Without thinking, he reached out his hand and gently took hold of the fingers on one of her hands, pulling them away from her palm. She let out a small gasp at the contact, the panic clearing from her eyes as she looked at him in surprise and concern.

"It's okay…" He whispered carefully, reaching out his free hand and taking hold of her other hand. He watched her carefully, ready to pull away if she reacted badly. When he saw only an unsure look in her eyes, he decided he was allowed to gently lace his fingers through hers, much like she had done earlier with him.

She breathed out an uneven breath but made no move to pull away. The feeling, although foreign, was not unpleasant and she did not want it to stop just yet. He noticed her inch closer to him on the bed and he lowered his head slightly, his eyes dropping from her face to their entwined hands. Reid ran his thumb gently over her skin and heard her inhale lightly, her fingers gripping to him slightly tighter.

If he couldn't explain the sensation he had felt earlier, he sure as hell couldn't explain what it was he was feeling now. All he knew was that it felt like his lungs were too full and his ribs were ready to break free of his body, felt like his chest would explode with every heaving breath, felt like he could _melt_. What was happening to him?

His hair fell forward again from the angle his head was at and Reid let out a sigh, carefully pulling one of his hands away from hers. Before he could reach up and push it back he felt her fingers on the side of his face, gently pushing the hair away. He looked up in surprise, not having expected it from her, and saw that she looked just as uncertain as he felt.

"I… need to cut my hair." Reid spoke softly, the words seemingly coming from his mouth without his permission. He hadn't even realised that particular thought was in his mind but he had told her anyway, wanted to tell her anything, _everything._ Wanted to _know_ everything.

"No. Don't do that." Dakota responded, her fingers still buried in his mess of hair although his face was no long obscured. He could feel her fingers gently pull at the strands before she ran her hand through the mess, stopping at the ends and gripping them lightly. "It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful." He had done it again – speaking without thinking. Why did he keep doing that around her? She looked at him with sad eyes before her hand dropped back down to the bed. She immediately reached for his hand again and Reid watched as she hesitated, lingering just out of his reach, before she reached out fully and laced their fingers back together. Reid gulped down the bubbling in the back of his throat. He felt like he was going to throw up. Was he sick?

"Doctor Reid-,"

"Spencer." He interrupted her before he could stop himself. He couldn't stand hearing her calling him _doctor_ , it made his stomach clench and made his blood rush and he didn't think he could bear it.

"…Spencer." His stomach dropped even further when his name floated from her lips. Oh, that was _definitely_ worse. "Is that okay?" She asked, and Reid noted that she was referring to her using his name. He nodded immediately because oh god, it was so much more than okay. He wondered what she would think if he asked her to never stop saying his name. He wanted to hear it on repeat, because he'd just realised that no one had ever said it right until now.

She opened her mouth again to speak but was abruptly cut off by her door opening, the light from the hall outside pulling both of them out of whatever sort of moment they had been sharing. A surprised looking nurse stood in the doorway, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised. She gathered herself after a moment, adjusting the clipboard she held in her arms.

"Uh, I'm sorry but visiting hours were over quite some time ago. You'll need to leave, sir." Reid cleared his throat, hesitated a long moment before reluctantly untangling their hands and pulling himself off of her bed. The nurse's eyes widened for a second time upon realising who he was, apparently surprised to find _him_ of all people in Dakota's room.

"Doctor Reid…" She stated in surprise. Reid nodded once before he walked past her, pausing in the doorway to glance back at the girl sitting on the bed. Her head was lowered and Reid could see her hands were clenched into fists again. He hoped she wasn't digging her nails into her palms but thought she probably was. He wanted to tell her to stop, wanted to tell her never to hurt herself, but his mouth was dry again and his words were stuck at the back of his throat.

He waited for a long moment, hoped desperately that she would say something, that she would just _look at him_ one more time. But then the nurse coughed in an unsubtle way and Reid had to force his legs to begin walking and just like that, she disappeared from his sight. He could hear the nurse saying something to him but he wasn't listening. The only thing on his mind was her voice, and the way her lips had looked when she'd said his name. _Spencer._

* * *

 ** _a/n_**

 _...Wow! Hi there! Long time no see! I'm back, and this time with a Criminal Minds fanfiction! I've spent the last few weeks shamelessly fantasising about Reid and finally decided I should write a story about him!_

So, about this story... It's going to jump through time periods pretty quickly, it won't be a typical story that carries on one day after another, so I hope you'll enjoy that! I also hope you enjoyed this first chapter... If you did, please take a minute to leave me a review! Any critique or advice you have will be appreciated as well, so don't be shy!

I'm a pretty self conscious person so if I don't get a good reception on this first chapter I'll probably not continue this and pretend it never happened... So even if you're not someone who reviews, give it a favourite and let me know you're interested in continuing to read! Thank you to anyone who supports me and this story! xx


	2. 2

The next year of Reid's life passed by in a whirlwind and, much to his disdain, he did not see Dakota for 11 months (and 13 days, but who was counting?). Nevertheless, he could still feel her fingers wrapped through his and when he closed his eyes all he could see was brown hair and green eyes and those goddamned _lips._

He flinched when JJ called him 'Spence', frowned unknowingly whenever the word 'doctor' fell carelessly from someone's mouth. They didn't say it right, they _couldn't_ say it right. Reid thanked god for his eidetic memory, because he wasn't sure what he'd do if he ever forgot his name on _her_ lips.

His hair was longer now, and his fringe constantly fell forward into his eyes. But he wouldn't dare cut it. _Beautiful_. He had never been called such a thing, had never imagined the word in relation to himself. _Beautiful._ He could still feel her fingers in his hair, was scared the feeling would dissipate if he weren't careful. He couldn't cut it, ever. _She was beautiful._

"Reid!" Reid blinked twice, his focus returning to the man in front of him. Morgan. He had that look on his face again, the look Reid had been seeing more and more of lately. _Concern_. He wanted to yell at him, wanted to yell at them all. He was fine. _Fine._ He scratched absentmindedly at his arm, at the marks. Track marks. Why were they called that? Reid probably knew the answer, but now he had to focus on keeping his shoulders pulled back and his fingers steady. _He was fine._

"Sorry, what did you say?" He asked meekly. He had been doing this a lot recently, Morgan thought. What was floating around in that big brain of his that kept distracting him? _Oh_ , if only he knew.

"I just asked what you were doing this weekend. Some of the team are going out for drinks tomorrow night if you wanna join?" Morgan repeated his earlier question, hoped to god Reid would accept. He needed to get out of his head and Morgan didn't know of a better way than with a little alcohol. Reid shook his head.

"Sorry, I have plans." Morgan's eyebrows rose in surprise for a moment before they pulled into a frown, disbelief clear on his face. "Thanks anyway." Reid closed the book that had been sitting open idly on his desk, pushing it into his carrier bag and attempting to stand from his chair.

"Reid." He sighed, looked back up at the large man in front of him. Why wouldn't they leave him alone?

"What? Even I have plans sometimes, you know." The words stumbled out in a rush, defensive and angry. Morgan raised his hands in surrender, tried to reason with the smaller man.

"I know… Just, you can talk to me, Reid. You know that, right?" Morgan tried again, tried to seem as tender as he could.

"Yeah, sure Morgan. Great." Reid was closed off, and both men knew that that was the end of the conversation. Morgan sighed as he watched Reid push his chair back and stand quickly, bag strap clutched tightly as he rushed from the office.

He didn't mean to snoop, he really didn't, but when Morgan noticed the genius' laptop (it was technically company property, Reid would never have willingly purchased the technological hunk of junk) sitting open on his desk, he couldn't help but to turn the screen slightly in his direction.

Morgan was surprised to find a travel website open on the computer, a newly purchased ticket to… Vegas? That was good, Morgan decided. Maybe a visit with his mother would do Reid some good. Morgan closed the laptop quickly and walked back to his desk, content enough at what he had found. After all, he thought, mothers always knew best.

But his mother was the last thing on Reid's mind as his foot tapped nervously on the floor of the plane the following day, a book gripped tightly in his hands. He turned the pages quickly and could see the woman next to him staring at him incredulously. He hoped she wouldn't say anything, hoped she'd just mind her own business.

"Are you actually reading that fast?" Reid sighed audibly and, though he wouldn't admit it, rudely. He didn't even glance in the intrusive woman's direction, didn't want to know anything about her.

"Yes." He answered curtly, and he vaguely noticed the woman muttering something to herself before he succeeded in blocking her out once more. It was hard enough interacting with his team lately, he did not have the energy or the patience to engage in conversation with a meaningless stranger.

The thought sounded precocious, even in his inebriated mind, but Reid didn't dwell on it. Didn't dwell on anything as long as the drug was flowing through his veins. He thought this was probably what it felt like to be normal, thought maybe he would have been happy to be less gifted than he was. He knew it was too late to be thinking things like that but couldn't help the bitterness that surged through him as he wondered, _why him?_

Surely someone else would have made better use of the potential. He could have cured a disease by now, or at least come up with several preventative medicines. Hell, there were so many things he could have done, could have been, so why had he chosen _this?_ And what did he get for it? A drug addiction and nightmares, _horrible_ nightmares.

The plane landed an hour later and Reid knew he should've gone to his hotel first, should've checked in and freshened up. At the very least, should have dropped off his suitcase. But logic was far from Reid's mind, he had noticed, when Dakota had been involved. And so as he ducked into a cab outside of the airport, he found himself muttering "Bennington Sanitarium".

He heard the cab driver try to start up a conversation twice – no, three times – throughout the drive, but Reid was too lost inside his thoughts to pay attention. All he could see was brown hair, spinning endlessly inside his mind. He wondered if she would be angry with him, had he been supposed to call? He wondered if she would even _remember_ him, hoped to god she hadn't forgotten him because how could he ever forget _her_?

When the vehicle cruised down the elongated driveway and pulled up to the curb, Reid passed the driver a few notes and then pulled his suitcase with him out of the cab. He paused, wasn't sure how to do this. Was worried he would be locked up if he went inside with a suitcase. Voluntarily committed. But he wasn't insane. At least, not yet _._ Was he?

When he saw a rush of brown hair and long limbs he almost thought he was dreaming – thought that yes, maybe he _was_ crazy. But then he blinked and realised it was not a dream and he was not hallucinating. She was there. She was _right there._ And she was looking at him. Oh god, she was looking at him with those eyes and those lips and those just-furrowed brows that he had been dreaming about for a year.

He could see a packet of cigarettes in her hand and realised she had been coming outside to smoke, just like she had been the last time he had seen her. God, it had been so long since he had seen her. She had paused in her step when she had seen him, but began walking again after a moment. Slowly, so slowly. She stopped two metres away from him and Reid could feel himself leaning towards her, wanted her closer.

He watched silently as she pulled a cigarette from the pack, her bony fingers shaking slightly as she placed the stick between pursed lips. Then, her eyes dropped from his face and to the task at hand. Her eyebrows pulled together completely as she flicked the lighter in her other hand, her eyes focused intently on the flame as she lit the cigarette. A second later the flame was gone and she was blowing a stream of smoke out of her lips and into his face. Reid coughed.

"You came back." Dakota waited for him to finish coughing before she spoke and when she finally did, Reid felt a weight being lifted from his chest. Or maybe his chest felt heavier? He wasn't sure. Only knew it was a feeling he did not want to leave anytime soon.

"I'm sorry it's been so long." Reid apologised softly, and Dakota let her eyes trail slowly down his body before she settled her gaze back on his face again.

"Your hair is longer." She stated. Reid fidgeted with his bag, he was nervous again.

"You told me not to cut it." He saw her eyes soften slightly, saw the hard edge they had carried disappear at his words. Oh. So she _had_ been angry with him.

"You're thinner." She continued, and Reid was surprised she could notice such a miniscule feature. Weight loss – a nasty side effect. Was it that obvious?

"So are you." He swallowed, wondered if that was okay to say. She didn't flinch, Reid noticed. He watched her intently as she raised the cigarette to her lips once again and inhaled, watched her eyes flutter closed for a moment, could almost _see_ the calm washing over her face. He thought maybe he should take up the habit. Why not, he supposed. He was already addicted to _one_ drug.

Dakota glanced back down at his hands, saw them fidgeting. Were they shaking? She hesitated, and then took a step closer to him. Unsure fingers reached the half-finished stick towards him, just slightly, but Reid noticed. Had she read his mind, or had he spoken his thoughts out loud again? He had a terrible habit of doing that around her, after all.

Reaching out he took the cigarette, his hand lingering just longer than necessary as their fingers brushed against one another. Dakota flinched at the feeling and Reid realised she probably hadn't experienced much human contact during the time they were apart. He wasn't sure why, but that thought made him feel terribly guilty.

He knew he would probably cough like an idiot but he lifted the cigarette to his lips anyway, breathing in the toxic, chemical mixture. But then he faltered, because he wasn't really sure _how_ to smoke a cigarette. The smoke burnt his mouth and he coughed it out in a rush, felt embarrassment bubbling up inside of him as she watched him make a fool of himself.

"Here, let me help." She said, a slight laugh in her voice. _Wait._ He hadn't heard that sound before. Oh god, that was a beautiful sound. Reid watched in silent wonder as she carefully reached her hand up to his, nudging him to bring the cigarette to his mouth again. He did so, following her instructions as she told him to breathe in. "Now, breathe in _again_." She told him, and Reid looked at her for a moment before he allowed the look in her eyes to comfort in.

He did as he was told and felt the smoke creep into his lungs, sending an almost instant surge of calm through him and clouding his brain. He exhaled, coughing only slightly, and then handed the cigarette back to her. He felt hazy.

Reid watched her as she studied him, the smallest of smiles appearing on her face. He hoped his brain was still functional enough to remember the moment, because _god_ , she looked beautiful when she smiled. She took one last, long drag of the stick before she dropped it to the ground and crushed it lightly under her foot. With the distraction now gone, neither was quite sure what to do. It was Dakota who finally spoke again.

"Are you coming inside?" She asked, and Reid nodded immediately. He wanted to tell her that he would follow her anywhere but thought he probably shouldn't. She turned away from him and headed back towards the front entry and Reid tried not to dwell on the disappointment when she did not wrap her hand around his.

He followed her wordlessly, not questioning her when she led him through the recreational area and outside. There was a large garden outside, quite fitting for a mental hospital, though hardly anything was in bloom this time of the year. It looked beautiful anyway, Reid thought. Or was he looking at her?

Reid was surprised only for a moment when she stopped in front of a chessboard, turning to look back at him for a second before she took a seat on one side of it. "I assume you play." Dakota said quietly, her eyes following him as he took a seat opposite her. "Being a genius, and all." She flicked her tongue over the words and Reid sensed a sort of tease to them. He didn't remember the last time he had smiled at someone teasing his intelligence. Why was he smiling? It didn't matter though, because she was smiling as well.

Watching her nimble fingers arrange the pieces quickly, Reid couldn't help but notice how relaxed he felt. He wasn't sure when he had last gone this long without thinking about his next hit, but it was a welcomed feeling. Of course it was because of her. _Of course_.

"Does your mother know you're here?" She asked him after a moment, and Reid looked back up from her fingers to her face. She was still concentrated on the board in front of them but her eyes shot up to glance at him from time to time.

"No, she doesn't… You know my mother?" Reid answered with a question of his own, his gaze dropping to the chessboard once again as she moved her first piece out and begun the game. He ran through the list of possible moves in his head quickly before moving a piece of his own, leaning back in his chair as he waited for her next move. His eyebrows rose in surprise when she made her move almost immediately.

Reid leaned forward again to think through his strategy, noticed her lean back ever so slightly as she watched him. It was a subtle gesture to her confidence in the game, and a part of him thought she should look like that more often. Confident.

"Of course. Who else was I supposed to talk to while you were gone?" Reid was distracted from the game when he heard what she had said, his eyes shooting back up to look at her. Ah, there was that guilt again. He gulped, lowering his eyes once more. He quickly moved one of his pieces and sat back up.

"So you're an FBI agent… That must be awfully exciting." She muttered absentmindedly as she studied the board. Of course his mother had told her about him. Dakota probably knew everything that he had written in those letters he'd sent his mother. He felt strangely put off by the idea of her knowing so much about him while he knew so little about her.

Reid took the opportunity to look over her face while she was distracted, noted she had not changed much since he had last seen her. Had she always had freckles on her nose? They were faint, so he thought maybe he hadn't seen them last time because it had been dark. He was immediately off put by the idea that he had been remembering her _wrong_ for all this time.

"It has its moments." Reid licked his lips slowly as he watched her move another piece. He took a moment, humoured her by pretending to think over his tactic, before he made his next move.

"It must be hard, though." Her voice sounded different, more forceful. Reid looked up at her again curiously but she was staring intently at the chessboard. Her eyebrows were furrowed and Reid wasn't sure if she was thinking about her words or her next move. Maybe both. "Sometimes you must want to just…"

Dakota trailed off as she reached forward, moving another piece on the board. Reid could see that he was winning, he'd captured more of her pieces and he would have checkmate in eight moves if the game continued at this pace.

" _Escape_." She finished her sentence and Reid found his eyes looking back up at her again, this time locking with hers. He suddenly felt nervous, felt like he was in trouble. What was that look? Did she… But that was impossible. She couldn't have _known._ His friends, _profilers_ , only had fragmented suspicions, and he worked with them on a daily basis. How could _she_ have seen through him?

"W-what?" Reid whispered out. He was suddenly scared, so scared. Would she hate him? Would they all hate him? No, no, he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to _talk_ about it. God, why had he come here?

Dakota stared at him a moment longer, her eyes studying every miniscule reaction he gave her. _Those eyes._ What was she seeing?

"You're move." Reid blinked. That's right, they were playing chess. Was that really important now? Reid didn't dwell on it, was thankful for the distraction. He looked back down at the board and quickly made his move, capturing another of Dakota's pieces.

He heard her sigh and, hesitantly, he looked back up at her. The look she had given him only moments earlier, whatever it may have been, was gone entirely. She looked peaceful again, her face relaxed. Had it ever been there at all, or had he imagined it? She slumped slightly in her chair, the elbow of one arm coming to rest on the top of the table as she placed her hand under her chin.

"I surrender." She told him solemnly, and Reid was almost confused. Then, he realised she was talking about the game. Why did he keep forgetting they were playing chess? He thought it probably had something to do with her teeth digging into her lip, wanted to ask her if he could try doing the same with _his_ teeth. Could he? No, that was a thought he shouldn't dwell on.

"You do?" Reid muttered after a moment, mostly because he couldn't think of anything else to say. He knew he had a fact about chess in his head, recalled that he had read about something about chess recently, but he couldn't remember what it was. That was new for him.

"Mhm. You have checkmate in four, I'm just saving myself the embarrassment." Dakota shrugged and Reid furrowed his brows as he looked back down at the board. _Four?_ Oh. Why hadn't he seen that earlier? He looked back up and saw her staring at him, wondered how long she had been doing that. She seemed to do that a lot, Reid noted.

Then, her gaze dropped to the suitcase that was sitting on the ground between the two of them. She studied it for a moment, then, "How long do you plan to stay?"

"I have to be back at work on Monday." Reid told her, hesitantly. Didn't want to tell her he was only staying for two days, felt like he owed her _so_ much more than that.

"Why did you come?" Reid opened his mouth as he searched for a response to that question, and then closed it again when he realised he did not know the answer. That was new for him, too.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway." Dakota spoke again when she saw that Reid was not going to answer her question. "…I'm kind of tired." She stated seemingly out of nowhere, and then abruptly stood from her chair. She was doing that _thing_ again, Reid thought, where she jumped from one topic to another. Why did she do that?

Reid followed her movement as she stood, looked up at her questioningly. She stared back down at him for another second before she walked passed him, in the direction of what Reid remembered to be her room. A moment later he was hastily pushing himself off of his chair and following after her, suitcase in tow.

He stumbled down the hallway and stopped outside number 089. The door was opened just an inch and he pushed it lightly with his free hand, his other gripping tightly to the handle of his suitcase. He could feel his skin starting to itch and wondered if Dakota would mind him excusing himself to the bathroom for a moment. He could almost feel the weight of the vial in his bag, knew it would only take a minute. He would feel _much_ better after a quick hit.

But then the door crept open and he saw her lying on her bed, her back against the mattress as she stared at the ceiling above her, and _oh,_ he wasn't going anywhere. He walked inside and quickly closed the door behind him, wished it had a lock because he didn't want one of the nurses to make him leave again. Dakota turned her head at the sound of him entering and Reid looked back at her quietly, placing his suitcase beside the door.

"Didn't I tell you? I'm tired." She said, and Reid exhaled shakily as he stepped towards her lying frame. He paused for a moment before he lowered himself to the side of the bed. He stopped again, kept his eyes on her, watched for any sudden looks of panic. But she wasn't panicking. She was holding her breath, clenching her fists, trying not to feel so _desperate_ for Reid to lie down beside her.

A moment later he fulfilled her wish and gently rested his head against the unoccupied portion of her pillow, his legs bending slightly so his feet didn't hang off the end. His knees bumped against her thighs and he gulped. Reid noticed her inch away from him slightly and for a moment thought he had gone too far, but then realised that his body was bigger than hers and she was just giving him more space. She was telling him that _yes,_ this was okay. This was _more_ than okay.

His head turned toward her and hers toward him, they looked at each other in silence on her small bed, their bodies closer than either had taken notice of. When had they gotten so close? Reid could feel his shoulder pressed against hers and, now that he thought about it, he realised their hips were touching as well.

In fact, the only space that lay between them on the mattress was between their midsections, and Reid decided he should fix that. He slowly reached his hand out and took a hold of hers, brushed his thumb against her hand gently because he knew she was unsure of contact and god, they were _so_ close. When had Reid started to feel so comforted by human interaction? No, that wasn't right. Wasn't he afraid of it?

He felt her twisting on the bed and every thought in his mind vanished, only focused on the way the bed shifted ever so slightly as she moved. She turned to lie fully on her side, her knees pulling up to touch against his already bent ones. He saw her swallow and felt the urge to do the same.

Dakota bent the arm of the hand Reid was holding and, as a consequence, his arm bent the same way. Still following her, always following her. Their hands now resting just beneath their heads, Reid felt her fingers slowly playing with his. He could feel his mouth going dry again and he licked his lips. The action averted her gaze to his mouth and he had to try so hard not to groan because _god,_ had he ever wanted to kiss someone this much before?

Dakota pressed her lips together for a moment before she pulled their entwined hands closer towards herself, her head lowering slightly as she kissed the tip of his middle finger lightly. Reid couldn't help his intake of breath at the sensation, knew she had heard the sound when the corner of her mouth quirked up slightly. She repeated the action on each of his fingers and Reid watched her in a daze. As she did this, she slowly sat herself up, crossed her legs under one another as she seated herself beside him.

Reid did not have time to wonder what she was doing because a second later he felt her free hand on the fabric of his shirt and his focus was suddenly split between the feeling of her lips on his fingers and the feeling of his shirt sleeve slowly being pulled up. He wanted to tell her to stop, wanted to pull away, wanted to beg her _please, no_. But he didn't. Couldn't. All he could do was watch silently as she pushed his sleeve all the way up past his elbow.

They both heard the noise of disgust, or maybe it was shame, which came out of Reid's mouth when the marks on his arm were exposed, but neither of them acknowledged it. Reid could feel a sick sensation bubbling at the back of his throat and thought maybe he was going to throw up. He was scared. He was _so_ scared.

But then he noticed that her lips weren't kissing his fingers anymore and oh god, oh _god,_ what was she doing? Her lips pressed gently, hesitantly, against the marks on his arm, lingered just a little too long. His fingers were shaking. Dakota's eyes were closed and – was she in pain? Was he _hurting_ her? Reid pushed the top half of his body up quickly, supporting himself on his free arm, alarm on his face because _why did she look so sad?_

Dakota looked up at Reid's movement and the look in her eyes made him melt and he wasn't sure who leaned in first but the next thing he knew he was kissing her. Or was she kissing him? It didn't matter because her lips, _oh those lips,_ were on his and her fingers were back in his hair again and he had been waiting for this for 11 months and 13 days and _of course_ he was counting.

* * *

 **a/n**

Wow! I can't believe the response I got for the first chapter, thank you all so much! Here's another long and dandy chapter that I hope you'll enjoy!

On another note... The view count and traffic stats don't seem to be updating for this story when I look at it, is anyone else having this problem with their stories?

Anyway, leave me a review and let me know what you think! I have a weird style of writing and sometimes I'm not sure whether it's endearing or annoying so please let me know! Thank you all for reading! xx


	3. 3

His mouth moved quickly against hers and when Reid felt her tongue grazing his lips he thought he was going to sink into the mattress beneath them, but somehow he managed to open his mouth just an inch. The next thing he knew her tongue was on his and he had never been good at dancing but something about their tongues entwined made him think maybe he should learn how to waltz.

Her fingers were gripping tightly to his hair, so tightly, and he wanted to ask her never to let go. Wondered how he had ever stayed grounded before now, couldn't remember how gravity worked but thought maybe it had something to do with her. Her her her. Everything was _her_ , and he thought maybe if he could do this for a little longer he wouldn't need the dilaudid anymore because this felt _so much better._

"Spencer." Reid almost didn't register that she had said it, because he had heard the same sound on repeat for the past year, but oh god she _had_ said it and it was so much better than he had remembered. Reid hummed against her mouth, hoped to god that she wouldn't pull away, not yet.

He felt her hands on his shoulders, could feel her pushing him away. But then she was balling the fabric of his shirt into her fists and pulling him closer, closer. And he was leaning further into her, and when had she lain back down? But god that didn't matter because her back was arching and every part of her was pressed against him and Reid thought maybe this was as good as he would ever get.

But then he bit gently on her lip, wanted to know what was so good about it that had her doing it so goddamn often, and she _whimpered._ Reid immediately retracted his earlier statement because no, _that_ was as good as he would ever get. Her hands were everywhere and he'd never liked it when people had messed up his hair but hoped that she would never pull her hands away.

They parted after a minute – how long had it been? – and Reid could feel her breath against his face as she panted. Dakota's hands were still in his hair, her fingers moving gently against his scalp, and Reid wondered if maybe it was worth being committed if he could stay like this forever.

Gently, ever so gently, Reid lay back down beside her and if he'd thought they were close before than he didn't know how to explain their bodies pressed _oh_ so tightly together now. He wasn't sure how long they lay like that, knew he had the numbers somewhere in his brain, but didn't care to locate them.

"I understand." Reid was pulled from his dreamy thoughts by her voice, timid. He looked towards her, saw her staring intently at the ceiling as she thought. She looked beautiful when she was thinking, Reid thought.

"You think it'll take the pain away but it never will – not for long." Oh. She was talking about _that._ "And in the end it just makes everything worse, doesn't it?" He could feel himself nodding, wondered if he would have agreed if it had been anyone other than her.

"I don't know how to stop." Reid heard the words, noted that she hadn't said them. Had he said them? He thought he must have. Why did he keep _doing_ that around her?

Dakota reached blindly for Reid's hand and gently laced their fingers together again. She bit down harshly on her lip, wondered why she was so _okay_ with this. Wondered when she had allowed herself to feel so comfortable around another human being and was terrified at what that choice entailed.

This wasn't _her._ This wasn't how she did things. Yes, she'd had sex before – she'd found it an easy distraction before she'd been institutionalised – but she'd never been so _intimate_ with another person. But his hand was so warm in hers and his body felt so goddamned comforting beside her.

"I need _help_." Reid spoke again, his voice broke and his words were so full of _pain_. She squeezed his hand tighter, turned to look at him and immediately regretted it when she saw his wet, red eyes. Was he crying? Reid wasn't sure when that had happened, but he was certainly embarrassed. He quickly reached his free hand up, wiped the moisture away.

Dakota leaned into him, kissed the side of his jaw lightly and Reid let out a sigh. It hurt, oh god it hurt so much to talk about it, but he could feel something moving inside of him and thought that maybe he should talk about his feelings more often. But only to her _._ _Just_ her.

"I don't know how to help you." Dakota admitted after a long pause. She felt guilty and useless, so _useless_. One side of Reid's mouth scrunched up as he turned to look at her. He didn't like the look he saw in her eyes. Was that his fault?

"You already are." He told her gently, and Dakota's eyebrows pulled upward and together, her mouth parting ever so slightly. She reached her free hand up and ran it down the side of Reid's face, her thumb gently gliding over his lips. Reid breathed her in, ran his eyes up and down her carefully, tried to remember everything he could about this moment.

He noticed her shirt had ridden up slightly, milky skin of her stomach exposed. He could see the sharp jutting of her hipbone as it protruded violently from her skin and he tried his best not to stare at it. She was so pale, not a blemish to be seen. Except – _wait,_ what was that? Reid sat up slightly so he could get a better look at the purple mark hiding just beneath the fabric.

Dakota tried to push him away when she realised what he was looking at, tried to pull her shirt back down, but Reid had already seen it and they both knew it would be meaningless for her to hide it now. He pulled her shirt up just one inch more – just enough to see the large, dark purple bruise etched into her skin. His eyebrows pulled together and his mouth opened as he studied it, like he was studying a crime scene. Was that what this was? Was he looking at a crime scene?

"Spencer… don't." Dakota gently pushed him away again and this time Reid let her.

"Is someone… Did someone do that to you?" He stumbled over words. He had asked questions like this a million times before, so why did it sound so intrusive now?

" _Please_ , just don't worry." Dakota continued to brush it off. Her fingers were starting to shake again, and Reid watched as she looked at them for a moment before she clenched her hands into fists. Her eyebrows were furrowed again.

"Oh… Oh no, i-it's one of the doctor's… isn't it?" Reid was piecing together the situation quickly, could see her chest heaving with every word that came from his mouth.

"Please… stop." Her voice was shaking when she spoke and Reid could feel himself getting angry, _so_ angry, because how _dare_ someone touch her.

"Tell me who it is. We can have him arrested… h-his practicing license can be revoked." She was shaking her head, shaking it so quickly.

Reid realised her knuckles were going white from the pressure she was using and he quickly reached out, forced her fists apart and wrapped her fingers through his before she could cause anymore damage. Her breathing was uneven and, even with his fingers gripped tightly in hers, he could feel them shaking.

Dakota was panicking.

She quickly unwrapped their hands then, and pushed herself off of the bed in a haste of clumsy limbs. The next moment Reid watched her disappear out into the hallway, the door left wide open behind her. He was frozen in shock for a moment, blinked three times quickly, before he snapped himself out of it and quickly scrambled to his feet.

He rushed into the hallway and looked in both directions but saw no sight of her. Wasn't sure where she would go but thought she had probably needed a cigarette. But no, that wasn't right, because her packet was still lying on the table beside her bed and Reid knew she hadn't taken one with her when she'd left. So where had she gone? He stepped back inside the room for only a second to grab the pack quickly, stuffing it into the pocket of his trousers, before he ran back out into the hallway.

Panic bubbled up inside of him at a rapid pace as the thought of her hurting herself flashed through his mind. He turned in both directions, didn't know where to look. He stumbled back down the way he had walked earlier, stopped when he reached the recreation area. _God,_ where had she gone? Reid was just turning back the other way – needed to find her, needed to make sure she was okay – when he heard his name being called.

"Spencer?" He turned abruptly at the sound but realised no, that was not her voice. And then he saw his mother sitting in the corner of the large room, her eyes squinted and a frown on her face as she tried to look at him. Reid gulped down the bile he could feel forcing its way up his throat and walked slowly towards his mother, knew she would detect the moment she saw his face that something was wrong.

"Hi, mom." Reid forced out, watched his mothers eyebrows pull impossibly closer as she saw the look of utter _dread_ on her son's face.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She asked him and Reid came to a stop in front of her chair, kneeling in front of her so she wouldn't have to strain her neck.

"I, uh… I lost someone." Reid tried to explain without telling her what had really happened. He knew better than to try to hide things from her, but he still tried regardless.

"You're not here to see me." Diana stated, and sometimes Reid wondered if his mother really did have an additional sense he was not aware of. God, how did she always know _everything_? "It's that girl, isn't it?" Reid gulped again, nodded slowly. His mother nodded as well, in understanding and… approval? "She's nice."

"I've lost her." Reid repeated, his voice sad and concerned all at once.

"That doctor though…" Diana continued, as though she hadn't heard what he had said. Reid's eyes widened at his mother's words and he leaned closer to her, waiting for her to continue. "He _isn't_ nice." She stated definitively, her mouth turning down in disdain.

"Why not?" Reid asked carefully, or maybe he was better off not knowing at all. But he had to know, now.

Diana looked at her son for a long moment, studied the hopeless look on his face, before she nodded her head in gesture to the right. "She'll be there now. With him." That was all Reid had to hear. The next moment he was back on his feet again, walking – or was he running? – in the direction his mother had pointed out.

At the end of another hallway he saw a door marked "Dr. Friedman", which he did not hesitate to open. He felt everything inside of him relax the moment Reid saw her, sitting on a chair with her head in her hands. She looked up at the intrusion and Reid saw that she had been crying. Her nose was red and her cheeks were blotchy and her eyes were swollen and _god,_ she looked beautiful when she cried.

"Spencer…" She whimpered out, the sound so utterly pathetic that Reid was across the room, wrapping his arms around her, the second he heard it. He felt relief was over him when her fingers gripped to his arm tightly, wasn't sure what he'd have done if she'd been angry with him. "I don't know why I came here. I just… I didn't- and-," She kept cutting herself off, nothing in her brain making sense.

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're okay." Reid was muttering against her hair, trying desperately to figure out what he could say that would make her hands stop _shaking_.

A door opened from the right hand side of the room and Reid immediately stood back up, unconsciously positioning himself in front of Dakota. He eyed the middle-aged man that appeared from behind the door, who looked quite surprised to see Reid inside his office. A quick assessment of this man had Reid deciding that _no_ , he definitely did not like him _._

"…And you are?" The doctor asked after a moment, having regained his composure, and Reid reached an arm behind him to shield Dakota even more.

"Dr. Spencer Reid." Reid practically spat the words at the man, pausing for a moment before he added, "Federal agent." He tried not to feel too pleased at the way the man's eye widened, an obvious reaction.

"Spencer." Dakota's whisper had Reid digging his fingers into the skin of her shoulder lightly, wanting to make sure she was still safe. "I'd like to leave."

"Excuse me," The doctor cleared his throat loudly, his voice irritated. "This is a _private_ session." Reid felt the growl leave his mouth before he had registered it. Had he ever made a noise like that before?

Hesitantly, he released his grip on Dakota and took three, precise steps toward the doctor. He stopped inches from the man, where he leaned in slightly and told him, "If you ever lay a hand on her again, the last thing you'll ever see will be the inside of a prison cell. I'll make sure you _rot_." Reid said the words carefully and deliberately, made sure he got his message across.

He had turned his back on the doctor before the man was given a chance to make any sort of retaliation. This man was not worth the time of day and Reid felt an increasing anxiety at leaving Dakota's side, so he hurriedly returned to her. Dakota let him take hold of her hand gently, followed silently in his shadow as Reid led her back out of the cramped office. He wanted to get her away, far away, from that man. He led her back to the front of the building and outside, where he knew she liked to smoke.

When Reid pulled her cigarette pack from his pocket and handed it to her gently, Dakota immediately remembered that her hands were shaking and she had that sick, sinking feeling in her stomach. She lit up quickly and inhaled long and deep, tried to calm her frazzled mind. She could feel moisture on her cheek again and she wiped it away roughly, an angry mark left in her wake.

Everything was spinning, spinning so fast in her too-small mind and she couldn't make sense of what she was thinking. She just knew that when she looked at Reid and saw that look in his eye, so goddamned _sad,_ she felt an indescribable anger at herself because she knew _she_ was the one who had caused it.

She exhaled the smoke shakily and waited only a second before she inhaled again, her fingers so unsteady she hard a hard time getting the cigarette between her lips. She blew the smoke out again and then took a deep breath as she looked back up at Reid. He looked so unsure, so out of place as he stood there and watched her.

"Do you get it now?" Dakota asked, breaking the silence with a wavering voice. God, why was everything about her so _unsteady_?

"What are you talking about?" Reid asked carefully, had to fight the urge to reach out and stop her when she raked her nails up the side of one of her arms in frustration. She lowered her hand again a moment later, looking down at the tremble in her fingers before she ran her hand through her hair quickly.

"I'm talking about _me_. About- about why I'm here. A simple psych evaluation – was that what you said?" Her words were coming out rushed, spilling past her lips faster than either of them could keep track of. "But I'm _fucked up_ , Spencer. I'm here for a reason… _God."_ She was biting her lip but now it was just making the feeling in Reid's chest ache more because _why was she so intent on hurting herself?_

"I don't-," Reid swallowed harshly, when had his mouth gotten so dry again? "I don't understand." He was shaking his head and he did understand, he had an IQ of 187 and _of course_ he understood, but he thought maybe if he shook his head hard enough all the thoughts would just fall out.

"Anxiety disorder." He was still shaking his head. Harder, _harder_. "Anorexia Nervosa." No, no, no. Why was she doing this? "Insomnia." She was crying again. Was he crying? " _Fuck,_ Spencer. Manic Depression." Was she yelling or whispering? Reid couldn't tell, couldn't see properly. Oh, so he _was_ crying.

"Stop. Please, stop." Reid was whispering, definitely. He was holding her head between his hands though he wasn't sure when he had gotten so close to her. " _Stop_."

"This is where I _belong_. I can't leave this place… Spencer, if I tell anyone what he does to me… I'll have _nothing._ " No, no, but that wasn't right. Reid knew that wasn't right. Why wasn't it right?

 _Him._ She'd have _him._ Reid wondered if telling her that would make things better or worse, but he couldn't make a decision because suddenly she was reaching towards him and then her lips were against his again, and he knew that doing this was a bad idea but he couldn't bring himself to care.

She was biting his bottom lip, _hard,_ and he wanted to tell her that she could hurt him as much as she wanted as long as she stopped hurting herself. Her body was pressing against his and Reid could feel his blood rushing as his body responded to her. But he could taste the salt from her tears mixed in to their kiss and god, this was so wrong. So, _so_ wrong.

He pulled his head away, almost changed his mind when she tried to follow his movement, but stayed strong as he gripped one hand against her waist to steady her. Dakota looked up at him in confusion and Reid tried to smile but couldn't bring himself to, could only tighten his jaw as he looked at her pathetic expression. God, she looked so beautiful _all the time_.

"I don't want you to leave." She whispered suddenly, and Reid felt like his chest was going to collapse in on itself.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, his subconscious told him that she was changing the subject again and _yes,_ he did know why she did that. It was a symptom of manic depression – or bipolar disorder – whatever the _fuck_ she wanted to call it. He knew that. He'd always known that. _God,_ why did he have to know so much?

"Then I won't. Not tonight." He said slowly, watched her face carefully because _was that okay to say?_ But then Dakota was nodding and biting her lip in that nervous way again and Reid felt like he could pretend the last hour had never happened. _God_ , he wished the last hour had never happened.

They walked back inside, hand in hand. Reid stopped at the reception desk, told the lady that he was staying the night. She tried to argue but Reid pulled his wallet from his pocket and flashed his FBI credentials at her, told her it was "serious business, but please don't be alarmed."

The nurse looked at him, then at Dakota for a long moment before she reluctantly nodded her head. Reid knew better than to use his job as an excuse for something so _trivial_ (as if anything about Dakota could be described as such), but all he could see was Dakota's empty eyes and Reid knew there was no way in hell he would leave her alone.

When they arrived back at her room Reid offered to sleep on the floor, mentioned something about pushing boundaries, and Dakota scoffed. "Don't be such an idiot," she'd said, before she reached for the button on her jeans, popping it open.

Reid gulped, tried to look away, tried to look anywhere but at her but god, she was _everywhere_ and suddenly her jeans were gone and he was looking at her bare thighs and she was looking at _him_ and when Reid looked back up at her face again, he realised she looked _terrified._

And then he realised that _of course_ she was scared because the gap between her thighs was three times bigger than anything that could have been healthy and the bones of her knees were so much larger than any other part of her legs. But that was okay. Reid didn't mind. He hugged her tightly, tried to show her that he knew she wouldn't break in his arms, that he knew she was _anything_ but fragile.

He turned off the light on the wall beside the door as he watched her slip under the covers and once the room was sheathed in darkness, he walked slowly towards the bed. He paused before he got in, hands fidgeting at the hem of his shirt. In a snap decision he pulled the material up and over his head because if she trusted him then he wanted to show her the same respect.

He was so skinny and lanky and god, the marks on his arm itched like hell. But when he laid his body next to hers under the covers, she did not hesitate to press herself against him, pulling his arms around her tightly. Reid felt his chest swelling and he couldn't understand this feeling she kept drawing from him, only knew it was better than anything he'd ever felt. And come to think of it, _when was the last time he'd had a hit?_

Reid felt her nuzzle her head into the pillow slightly and he inhaled deeply, the scent from her hair growing familiar and pleasant to him. Her fingers entwined lightly with his and one of her legs drifted back to tangle with his, her breathing gradually becoming even and steady.

He thought she had fallen asleep, but a moment later she whispered, _"Thank you,"_ and Reid decided that _no_ , he had been wrong earlier. _This_ was as good as he would ever get.

* * *

 **a/n**

Hello my lovely readers! So I've read through this chapter about 50 times and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not as far as the plot is concerned but I decided I'd post it anyway... So please let me know if you like it!

Also, **a very important question:** how does everyone feel about smut and would you be comfortable if I included smut in this story? Let me know!

There was a problem with the website before and it didn't tell me how many people had viewed my story... It's been fixed now but unfortunately the views for my story for the past two weeks were lost which is a shame so I don't really have much indication of how many people are actually reading this story at the moment... But I'll keep writing because the lovely reviews you've left me are enough for me to know that at least a few people are enjoying it!

Thank you so much to everyone who left a review they really motivate me to keep writing and I appreciate them so much! Again, hope you liked the chapter! xx


	4. 4

The following morning, Reid woke up to see a set of large, green eyes staring at him. His first instinct was to recoil – a stranger to the notion of sleeping with another person. But then he remembered that those eyes belonged to _Dakota_ , and then he felt himself pulling her closer, impossibly closer. Wanted to never forget the way he felt in that exact moment because he knew nothing else would ever feel _this_ good.

"Did I startle you?" Dakota's voice was rough from sleep, and the first syllable she spoke was nothing more than a crack in her voice. Reid felt his heart stumble, like it had been distracted by her and had forgotten to do its job. He wondered if it were possible for Dakota to cause him a heart attack, and decided that it was best not to underestimate her. "I'm sorry…"

Reid shook his head quickly, so quickly, wanted her to know she never had to apologise to him. "Don't be. I didn't mind at all." Reid spoke slowly and softly because he knew his voice would be just as hoarse as hers, and he cringed when he heard the rasp. He didn't notice the goose bumps that rose on Dakota's skin because he was distracted by her hand running down the side of his jaw.

Dakota couldn't remember the last time she had been so utterly _content_ with another human being. The thought made her sad, because she knew Spencer would be leaving tomorrow and he had a very busy life full of things much more important than her. He had killers to catch and lives to save and it was all very official. She wondered what he would say if she asked him to stay a little while longer, but decided that that was a selfish thought and it was best not to dwell on it.

Reid would never admit it to her or to himself, but he would have said yes in a heartbeat if she had asked. But she didn't ask and Reid didn't bring it up, didn't want to weigh down the feeling that was floating in the air between them as they breathed each other in.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that (Reid noticed that he tended to lose track of time around her), wrapped in each other's arms, but it was a knock at the door that finally broke them apart. The door was opened only a moment later, and so when the nurse poked her head inside she saw Reid and Dakota trying to untangle their legs and pull their hands away from each other.

The woman raised an eyebrow as she observed them and Reid let an awkward cough drift into the air as he tried to smooth down his dishevelled hair. He realised he wasn't wearing a shirt and tried to cross his arms over his chest, though he knew the action was pointless. He decided he would see about having a lock put on Dakota's door when he visited next time. Then, he wondered when he had decided that there would be a _next time_ and, more importantly, how long away that would be.

"It's time for your pills, Dakota." The nurse finally spoke, splitting the tension in the air with her words like a knife.

Reid was confused for a moment, and had to take a second to remind himself that yes, he was in a mental hospital. And yes, he was lying in bed with a _patient_. He didn't like the idea of Dakota being referred to as being mentally unstable. Then, he had to remind himself that _yes,_ she _was_ mentally unstable… According to _who_? Reid wondered who had decided that and, more importantly, who decided on the qualifying criteria in the first place.

The answer pushed itself to the forefront of his brain and Reid nudged it away because it wasn't important right now. What was important, Reid decided, were Dakota's hands grabbing fists of the sheet on the bed in front of her. He turned to see her eyebrows were pulled together in disdain and her top lip was turned up slightly. Reid watched as she released the sheet from her grip and instead tightened her hands into fists, and he didn't need to see it to know that she was digging her nails into her palms again. Reid thought he would see about getting her nails cut.

Then, he watched in silent fascination as she slowly unclenched her fists and, hesitating only a moment, Dakota reached out and took a hold of Reid's hand tightly. He unconsciously gripped her hand with the same strength, then loosened his hold a moment later when the fear of hurting her registered in his hazy mind. Why was he hazy? He hadn't taken dilaudid in a whole 24 hours. Was that how long it had been?

Reid wasn't really sure, if he was being honest. But he knew that there was no drug in his veins and he couldn't explain the hum in his head and the lightness in his fingers but he thought it probably had something to do with Dakota. Everything he did had _something_ to do with Dakota, these days. That was probably because he never stopped thinking about her, could always see her face in the back of his mind. He wasn't sure how to make it go away, but that was okay because he didn't really want it to.

Dakota had tried to stall as long as possible but eventually, the nurse shoved a small cup of different coloured pills at her. The woman watched her carefully as she swallowed them, inspected her mouth closely to make sure they were gone.

When the intrusive woman finally excused herself, Dakota explained that she did not like to take the pills because they made her feel _numb_ , so numb. Reid didn't like the sound of that very much and he certainly noticed the change in her attitude. It was less than an hour later that Dakota's voice became softer and her opinions, quieter. She did not laugh and smiled rarely and Reid wondered how anyone could have thought that this was _better_. Wondered how anyone could have thought that any single part of Dakota had to be altered; wasn't already _perfect_.

He stayed with her for as long as he could and they spent most of the day in her room, talking about their favourite authors and which era was definitively the best. Reid tried his best not to ramble, but he did anyway. He couldn't help but notice that when his train of thought ran away from him Dakota followed it carefully and did not lose that curious glint in her eyes.

When she had rested her head in his lap some time in the afternoon as Reid told her about the evolution of silent films, he stumbled over his words and feared that she was sick of listening to him. Her hand reached up to run down the side of his face, her fingers lingering on the line of his jaw, and Reid was stunned for a moment before he hesitantly resumed his story. When he asked if he was boring her, she told him, "Never stop speaking. You could tell me anything and I would listen."

Reid almost decided to stay a second night, to extend his impromptu trip one day longer, but he knew that if he did that, he would probably never leave. And so he left at 6pm when visiting hours finished. He sat in the cab with his arm stretched out the window, Dakota's hand loose in his as she stood outside the vehicle, and he swore he could feel his ribs collapsing in his chest when her fingers brushed against his for the last time as the taxi rolled away.

* * *

Reid had promised her that he would keep in contact, and Dakota clung to the words. Sometimes if her hands started shaking late at night and the veins in her wrists ached to be cut open, she would re-read the letters that Reid sent to her. After two months, Dakota thought she had probably memorised every word he had ever written her.

They decided on physical letters as their means of communication because Dakota knew the nurses sometimes listened in on patients' phone calls and Reid didn't want his team to hear their conversations, either. They tried to write as often as possible, though Reid often found it difficult when they were away on cases. Still, he tried his best.

 _"I know you can tell a lot about a person from their handwriting, so if you promise not to profile me… I promise not to profile you."_ That was the first thing Dakota had ever written, and Reid could imagine the way the words would have sounded if she had said them out loud.

He wrote to her about his group rehab sessions and the cases he completed and at the end of every letter he included the name of the last book he had read, because Dakota had told him that she wanted to read as many books as she could so they would have more to talk about when he next visited.

Reid had tried to tell her that it didn't matter if she didn't know who William Faulkner was, or had never read an Agatha Christie novel. Tried to tell her that he didn't care how smart she was because he never felt more engaged in conversation than when it was with her and it didn't matter if sometimes she couldn't keep up with him because all that mattered was that she _cared._ She cared enough to interrupt in the middle of his speech about 19th century poetry in order to tell him that Annabel Lee was her favourite poem by Poe, and Reid thought that maybe she was just a dream because _yes_ , that was his favourite poem, too.

Dakota wrote to him about the other patients, told him of each of their stories and the events that had led to their institutionalisation. Reid noticed that Dakota seemed particularly enthusiastic when she told him the story of an 86-year-old woman who lived in the Sanatarium.

Apparently, the woman's psyche slowly devolved into insanity after she lost her husband in a tragic fire. This woman – Dakota said her name was Ethel – still prepared a cup of coffee for her love every morning, and she would wait patiently for an hour afterwards in the hope that he would return to her. Ethel had told Dakota that sometimes, her husband _did_ return. He would sit with her for several moments and tell her stories about the adventures he had been on. He never drank the coffee though, Ethel said.

Dakota liked to indulge the patient's in their fantasies and, though Reid had told her that reinforcing their delusions was a bad idea, he understood why she did it. He thought that if he were to lose his mind one day, he would probably like someone to tell him that he wasn't crazy, either.

She made sure to always tell Reid how his mother was doing, which he was very thankful for. Dakota also made sure to tell Reid that no, he did not need to worry about that doctor anymore because her therapy sessions had been rescheduled and, in the rare moments when Dakota and the doctor crossed paths, he would keep his head lowered and pass by quickly.

Reid was always relieved when he read her affirmations, though a part of him felt heavy knowing that he wasn't there to protect her if something _did_ happen. He thought that for all the lives he had ever saved, none of them would really mean that much if he could not keep _her_ safe. Reid couldn't dwell on those thoughts for too long though, because he knew what he would do if something ever happened to her and he had seen far too much horror in his time to suddenly become one of the monsters that he'd spent his life fighting.

Reid had planned to visit her in February of the following year, but had been summoned away at the last minute for a case. He had called her, a rarity for them, though Reid thought it the only appropriate way to break the news. He had tried to phone before he boarded the private jet that would be taking them to Washington, but had been informed that Dakota was in her therapy session and he would have to call back later.

So, much to his disdain, he snuck to the back of the jet half an hour later and dialled the number of the Sanitarium. He could feel eyes on the back of his head as he waited, muttering "Dakota Layne" into the receiver when prompted and waiting another moment while he was connected to her room.

"Spencer?" She asked, when she picked up the phone. She knew it would be him, always seemed to know. Reid bit his lip and was silent for a moment, let the sound of her saying his name sink into his veins like a drug and _god,_ he was addicted.

"Hi." Reid tried to speak quietly, could hear his voice sounded croaky from the low pitch, wondered if she noticed. Dakota always noticed. "Sorry for calling…" He glanced behind him for a moment and saw Emily was looking at him. She glanced back down at the file in her hands immediately, though Reid knew she was still listening. He knew Morgan was listening as well, though the larger man wasn't looking at him.

"Is something wrong?" Dakota asked, and Reid's focus was pulled back to her voice on the phone.

Reid shook his head, then remembered that she couldn't see him and cleared his throat quickly. "No, nothing's wrong… I just wanted to let you know that I got called away for a case…"

Dakota was quiet for a long moment and Reid fidgeted uncomfortably with a thread on his jumper, could feel his foot tapping lightly as he urged her to say something. Hated knowing that she was upset because of _him_. Reid felt the urge to blurt out that _never mind, he would be there soon_ , wondered what Hotch would say if he asked to be dropped off in Vegas.

"Okay. I understand." Her voice was quiet, so quiet, and Reid felt everything inside of him tighten at the sound. Wanted to shake his head because no, it wasn't _okay_. Why wasn't she angry? She should have been angry with him, should have been as angry with him as Reid was with himself because he had promised her that he would be there and now he couldn't follow through.

Reid raked his fingers through his hair quickly – god, his hair had gotten so long – and let a sigh drift through the receiver of his phone. Dakota could hear his annoyance and she bit down on her lip at the sound of it.

"Spencer." Her voice was louder again now, and it caught his attention immediately. "Please don't worry about me." Reid scoffed. He hadn't meant to, because he didn't want her to think that he could ever have been angry with _her_ , was horrified that she could have misinterpreted his emotions. But then he heard her sigh quietly and knew that she hadn't misinterpreted anything, because she always knew what he was thinking. How did she always know what he was thinking?

"You have to go and do your job, I can wait a little longer to see you. But if you're distracted, then you'll get hurt or _worse_ , and if that happened and I never saw you again-," Reid heard her voice break and knew that she hadn't stopped talking on purpose. Every bone in his body felt like it was shattering when he heard her sniffle quietly and _god_ , he should have been there to hold her and tell her she didn't need to cry.

But he knew that Dakota was right and thoughts like that were exactly what would distract him, so he pushed it away and swallowed all the things he wanted to say to her because he knew he had been on the phone for too long and by now, the entire team was bound to be listening. He didn't want them to know about her yet because he didn't want to share her with anyone, didn't want her to exist in anyone else's thoughts but _his_ , and he was never a very selfish person but nothing made sense when Dakota was involved.

"Please don't cry. You're right, I'm sorry." Reid whispered to her, and could hear her sniffing as she tried to pull herself back together. When she spoke a moment later, her voice wavered only slightly.

"So I'll see you soon, right?" She asked, and Reid nodded immediately. He had to remind himself for a second time that he was on the phone and she couldn't see him and _oh god,_ he wanted to see her so badly. He breathed in deeply and tried not to dwell on the heaviness in his stomach – or was it in his chest? He couldn't tell but he knew that something inside of him was aching and the thought of hanging up made it _so_ much worse.

"I really hope so. I… miss you." Reid hesitated on the words because _was that okay to say?_ He didn't want to push any of her boundaries because he still wasn't sure how far in Dakota had allowed him and the last thing he wanted was to scare her away.

"I miss you too." Dakota mumbled back, and Reid felt his heart convulse in his chest but ignored the feeling because it was _much_ too soon to think about matters involving the heart.

"Bye." Reid muttered quickly before he hung up. He slid his phone back into the pocket of his pants and reluctantly turned back around. He saw that the entire team was looking at him, as if curious of an explanation. Reid cleared his throat and sat back down, picking up his case file and looking at it as though he hadn't already memorised everything inside of it.

"Have we started on victimology yet?" He asked, and looked back up to see his team still looking at him unsurely. After a long moment, Hotch answered his question – a silent order that the issue was to be dropped. Reid breathed out a sigh of relief, and tried his best not to dwell on the idea of Dakota sitting in her room alone, crying over him.

It was a few days later, just as the case was finishing up, when Reid heard a knock on the door of his hotel room. He had been looking over some of the final pieces of the case, making sure they hadn't missed anything. It was late at night and, if all went to plan, they would be going home the following day.

When the door opened, Reid saw Emily appear inside his room. She smiled gently at him and Reid felt himself tense because he knew immediately what this was about. He glanced back at the files in front of him and watched from the corner of his eye as she took a seat on the end of his bed and, after a long moment of silence, Reid looked back at her.

"You're still looking at the case?" Emily asked, and Reid's eyes darted back to the paper on the desk in front of him.

"I'm looking over it one more time. Just to be sure." He shrugged, still looking absently at the files.

"…You know tomorrow is Valentine's Day, right?" Reid didn't answer her question because they both knew that yes, he was aware of the date. "Reid." He sighed, closed the case file on the desk and turned back to look at her again.

"Did you know that in the two week period leading up to Valentine's Day, sales of gold jewellery in America lead to-,"

"Reid." Emily cut him off and Reid shut his mouth, his lips forming a tight line. "Why haven't you told anyone you met a girl?"

Reid sighed. He hadn't told anyone because he hadn't wanted anyone to know. It was obvious, wasn't it? He wondered if he could change the subject somehow but knew it was probably too late. Emily looked at him expectantly and Reid bit his lip – when had he started biting his lip? He supposed it was probably a habit he had picked up from _her_.

He suddenly remembered the way her lips had felt against his, and the noise she had made when he sunk his teeth into her bottom lip. His blood started to rush and he could feel heat in his face and had to block his train of thought immediately.

"What's her name, at least?" Emily tried again, leaning forward on the bed to show that she was invested in the conversation. Reid sighed, knew she would not give up until he gave her _something._

"Dakota." He gave in after a moment, felt wrong just allowing someone else to hear her name.

"Dakota…" Emily repeated it, nodding her head slowly as she contemplated the information. She smiled at Reid again and he gulped, realising that she wasn't planning to leave yet. His fingers tapped relentlessly against his thigh as he tried to look anywhere other than at Emily, but eventually he gave in. He looked back at his friend and immediately felt guilty for not trusting her, because she looked so _genuine_ and Reid decided that maybe he could tell her a _little_.

"She… she's an artist. She paints – mostly landscapes. She… says that it's easier to paint landscapes because their beauty is genuine and can't be faked. She says people lie and th- that makes them difficult to paint because it's hard to see the truth behind something that can lie to you. She likes poetry, as well. And she- she plays chess. She's actually quite good. She beat me once… I'm still not sure if she cheated or not. She says she didn't, so she probably didn't.

She cuts her own hair and sometimes it's uneven because she can't reach the back properly but she says that's okay because it adds character a-and I think her hair is probably shorter than mine now but I don't think she minds – which is odd, b-because most women take pride in the length of their hair but then, Dakota is very different from most women and actually, I don't think I've ever met a woman like her and-,"

Reid stopped abruptly, realised that _god_ , he was rambling again. Emily was smiling still and Reid sunk a little lower in his chair, embarrassed. "So… it's safe to say that you like her?" He nodded hesitantly, wasn't sure he wanted to admit to anyone that he had such strong feelings for her. Hell, a moment ago he hadn't wanted anyone to know that she _existed_.

"Quite a bit, I think." He divulged. Reid knew that Emily could be trusted with this information and that she wasn't the type of person to rush off and spill his secrets. He also had to admit that it felt good to talk to someone about Dakota, because his thoughts were constantly preoccupied by her and a part of him never wanted to _stop_ talking about her now that he had started.

"Does she live in Virginia?" Emily asked, and she was surprised when Reid shook his head in response. Reid tensed again, because he knew that the next question would be an inquiry of where she lived and when he told Emily that she was in Vegas, Emily would ask how they had met. Reid knew that his teammate was a kind and sincere person, but he felt uncomfortable divulging that she was a patient at the same place as his mother.

It wasn't that he was embarrassed, Reid could never have been _embarrassed_ by her. No, he just knew somehow that if Dakota were here, she would not want anyone knowing of her mental illness. He could almost see her eyes in his head, pleading with him not to tell Emily.

Emily noticed the shift in Reid's posture, the sudden stiffness in his shoulders, and knew that she had received enough information about the mystery woman for now. She was grateful that Reid trusted her with what he had already told her and wanted to make sure he knew that he had no reason to be uncomfortable around her.

"She sounds wonderful." Reid looked back up at her in slight surprise, having been waiting for the dreaded question. "I hope it works out for you." Emily smiled at him again, because she was _so_ happy that Reid had found someone that he liked. She stood back up and patted Reid on the shoulder gently before she walked back to the door and exited his room, leaving Reid alone with his thoughts again.

His thoughts that, as soon as he was alone, were preoccupied with Dakota once again. He sat slumped back in his chair for a long moment as he replayed the feeling of her body pressed against his and her hands in his hair as her tongue slid inside his mouth.

He remembered the exact pressure of her lips against his and remembered the way their teeth had clinked against one another slightly as they had pushed closer, closer together. Reid bit his lip and without meaning to, pretended he was biting hers. His face felt warm and his breathing was shallow as he thought about the way she had whimpered against him, pulled him closer.

Reid gulped, his hand subconsciously moving down his stomach, resting at the waist of his trousers. He fidgeted with the buckle of his belt as he thought about her sighing out his name, _Spencer,_ her breath washing over him as the word left her lips. Reid was contemplating the idea of flicking his belt open and undoing his trousers when there was a sudden knock at his door, and he immediately blinked out of his fantasy.

He listened to Morgan tell him through the wood of the door that the UnSub was trying to leave town and they had to go, but Reid wasn't listening. He was too busy thinking that _god,_ he had never wanted to be in a _mental hospital_ so much in his life. And it wasn't until he stood back up and was headed to the door, that Reid realised his pants suddenly felt a _little too_ _tight_.

* * *

 **a/n**

So it's been a little longer since my last update and I'm very sorry about that! I've been pretty distracted with uni at the moment...

Completely irrelevant to everything but I've been questioning whether I really want to make a career out of what I'm studying and now I'm wondering if I should drop out but if I drop out I have no idea what else I could do with my life and I've basically spent the last week having a crisis! If anyone has any words of wisdom they could share with me, it would be amazing right about now.

ANYWAY, back to Reid! I think I'm definitely going to put smut in a chapter sometime soon because the last part of this chapter was so fun to write and I almost decided not to have Morgan interrupt...

Let me know if there's anything you want to see happen in the future or any thoughts you have of what's happened so far!

I appreciate all of your reviews and feedback so much and it makes me so excited to continue this story knowing that people are enjoying it! Thanks guys, see you (hopefully) soon with another update x


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